My Husband is Unemployed & Lazy, is it selfish if I leave him?

Since the New Year began, we’ve been getting shout outs from all our fans especially around Africa asking for more valuable content, networking help between fellow Africans, research based health questions, insights on running businesses, and so much more. While we have to say we really appreciate all the responses we’ve gotten from you all, the one that brought us an overwhelming feeling has to be the next email excerpt we’re sharing.

This email is from a wonderful lady desperately trying to save her marriage and she needs all the emotional support and advice she can get from anyone currently going through the same situation in our entire AFRICAN community. Although the email was a tad bit longer than what we have here, we’vesummarized it as much as possible without losing focus of the main thought she was trying to convey. Please read below:

I’m not sure where to start from, but I found your website by chance on Facebook. When I saw that your readers were mostly Africans from different countries, I knew I had to ask if other women were going through the same thing as me. See, I’m Nigerian and my husband of 6 years is from Sierra Leone but he has been in Nigeria most of his life running his import business. The first few years of our marriage was the best years of my life; I lacked nothing! Money was in abundance and the love and romance was the best I had ever experienced. Unfortunately, things took a turn for the worse when my husband’s business started failing about 3 years ago. For those who care to know, I am a teacher.Although my income is tiny compared to his, at least I make my own money.

Anyway, about a year ago, the business finally collapsed and ever since then, things have been going from bad to worse. I don’t know if I should say this, but thankfully we don’t have any kids yet and at this point I don’t think that will ever happen. Like I was saying, things are now going from bad to worse. It started as a financial problem but it has now turned into an emotionally stressful mess! He’s always angry at the fact that he’s not making any money, he doesn’t even come close to me anymore no more romance, no more sweet talks, no more loving; let me just say that the house is now a place I dread to go. Although my husband has never laid his hands on me, I still fear that one of these days he may take out his bottled up anger on me. All his business partners are either nowhere to be found or have refused to help. His family members in Sierra Leone don’t know what is going on because he has refused to call them and I for one don’t want to go behind him so that it doesn’t seem like i’m betraying his trust. To make things worse, he has stopped trying to reestablish himself. I have tried everything from prayer to helping him start some small businesses here and there but he’s not even interested because the jobs are beneath him. He doesn’t do any house work so I have to come home, clean up, make him dinner and still try to look happy. 

At this point, nothing else is working and I don’t think I can do this anymore. I know people will say its just a year but this has been going on for three years now and I don’t want to die of stress. It is stressful at work, stressful at home, stressful whenever i’m with him and its not getting any better. Again, can you please ask if any of your fans are going through this? What can I do? If this continues any longer, I may just have to leave him but will that be too selfish? Haven’t I supported him enough?As a human being, how much of this can one take? Sorry my email is too long, I just need some advice!

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Thank you!

29 Comments
  1. marriage is an eternal bond that no human being can break. when you enter into marriage, you have vowed to live rest of your life with your partner no matter what happens. Either for better or for worst you have to endure my dear.

    1. Obed, will you remember your ‘for better for worse’ if your wife cheats on you???.. A man who can’t provide for his family is an infidel.. That hes jobless doesn’t warrant his laziness, if he eventually gets a job…will he automatically become hardworking?? There’s nothing for better for worse with a man who can’t protect provide,secure his family but instead lazy around..

  2. Una no date b4 u mary am?…u shud knw his flaws na…wen u maried him ws he Jobles, I gues nt…u r d one dt wl mk him get bk 2 his feet if u knw wt I mean…cos leavin him nw, ppl wl say is bcos he’s got no job anymor dts y ru ran away..so stay by him…I wl advice u 2 try readin dis novel “Faily Album” by Danielle Steel..it wl teach u a lot abt dis situation

  3. The headline is misleading. From what I’ve read your husband had a thriving business and when he was doing well, you had a good life with him. Now that his business is down, and I’m sure the man is depressed, you want to leave him. I don’t think you ever truly loved him in the first place, if not you would be very supportive of him. What are you his wife for? What happened to “for better for worse”? Don’t you know how to pray? The change in your husband’s attitude is due to stress and depression. Look for how you can lovingly help him come out of depression and encourage him to revive his business, or start something new. Good luck.

  4. It not easy though. You need to be in her shoe first is not everybody that will endure it. However i believe no condition is permanent it just temporarily. So endure and fulfill the vows you made to him “For better for worse” i won’t advice, you live him now cos the is the time he needs you the most. Go down on your kneels and pray. I hate divorce even bible kicked against it

  5. Men should watch out, dis is the time u will see the devil in woman. Now u want to leave him after you have leak his honey with him and now you don’t want to drink bitters with him. After God u are the next person to help him out, you are now making idiotic excusses. THIEF AND ASHAWO u are.

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