About a year ago and a half ago, #wastehertime and #wastehistime became huge topics as people would describe ways of hurting those they were “dating.” The tweets were horrendous and are still trending to a certain degree. Here are a few:
Ask her out on a double date then show up with your girlfriend and ask where her date is at#WasteHerTime2016
— Nathaniel Fernandes (@iRealNate) January 7, 2016
after dating him for two years, you tweet “I’m tired of being single” #WasteHisTime2016
— getta♡mrs.popping on (@mrswavylicious) January 7, 2016
— Beano French (@JustBeano) January 7, 2016
However, it made me realize how lightly some millennials are taking matters of the heart. How do you believe, leading someone on, making them fall for you and then dropping them like a bag of used sanitary pads is a good thing? It makes being in a relationship frustrating. I too have been a victim of #wastehertime, more times than I care to count but with every fall, I have gotten stronger and have learned to sniff the time wasters out before they hurt me or worse I fall head over heels in love with them ( hopeless romantic here). I’ll share some red flags that I use as a guide to determine if someone’s about to #wastemytime. These flags were created based on my many experiences like the one below:
In the summer of 2014, I met Pete, a svelte 6’3 caramel colored beauty with high cheekbones, heavy-lidded brown eyes that were always hidden behind a pair of glasses and a smile that could melt butter. Oh, that smile got me and got me real good. We got to talking and a couple of days later. I started to have butterflies in my tummy. Not only was Pete gorgeous, but he was also intelligent, shared some of my values, had ambition and wanted to listen to me.
Red Flag #1: When you start to feel queasy you need to make sure you are still thinking with your BRAIN and not your heart. If your brain is doing the work, please proceed forward. If your heart seems to be taking precedence, knock that heifer back into place. If you’re not sure, you’re probably already thinking with your heart.
At this point, my heart was already deep into this potential mate for life.
Several weeks go by, and it seemed as though all we ever did was talk for hours on the phone or go out to places without any real move in the upward dating direction. We were more like people who just hung out on occasion, not even friends in my opinion. The butterflies in my tummy slowly started to morph into moths, and my ovaries began to kick me in annoyance because I was slowly being shoved into the friend zone. I found myself wondering: What is going on? Is he trying to take things slow? Maybe he’s trying to get to know me. Yeah, that must be it, he’s taking things ……
Red Flag #2- One thing I’ve come to know about men is, if they like you and want to date you, they would let you know and will be persistent. Even if he’s a shy one, he’ll drop subtle hints and ultimately make you aware that he’d like to pursue you. He will NEVER keep you guessing. Do NOT get trapped in the “hanging out” phase. You can either:
– Decide to remain in this state and continue with your wonders and schemes.
-Ask this what’s going on/ tell him/her your feelings – This goes both ways for me. I believe if you have to ask someone “where are we?” he/she most likely never wanted to take it further or it may alternatively show the person that you’re very interested and would love to lock it down.
-Suck it up and move on to find the one who is ready to take things to the next level.
Anyway, I decided to hang in there hoping for the best (don’t be like me). This resulted in absolutely nothing and only made me frustrated. Whatever we had which was most definitely not a relationship or a friendship stagnated until his layers started to peel off, and his true self began to rear its ugly head.
One unfortunate Wednesday night, we got talking and realizing Pete was with Raymond (a mutual friend). I asked to say hi, and Raymond proceeded to make some suggestive comments indicating that he liked me. Bad timing. However, It’s not my fault I’m so damn gorgeous.
I abruptly ended the conversation and asked that the phone be handed back over to Pete. That was where everything went the shape of a pear. Pete vehemently refused to talk to me. He got upset, didn’t call anymore and started ignoring me. Wait a minute! You don’t want to date me, but you also don’t want your friend speaking to me. WTF?! I sent Pete multiple messages that went unanswered for days, and I could always see through his lame attempt at not wanting to address whatever the hell that tantrum was about.
About a week later, I sat Pete down, and we had a heartfelt discussion on how he had to be a direct communicator. He used the age old “I was busy” response as his excuse for not replying my messages. I hesitated for a moment because a not so clean word was about to come out my mouth.
Then I responded, “You do know I’m busy too right?” crickets….
I should have dusted my tail and walked off. But…..nooo nooo he was the full package, and deserved one more chance, right? NO, VERY BIG MISTAKE.
Things went back to the way they were before the conversation with Raymond. Until I sent a message one faithful Monday morning at 10 am asking to meet up for an important discussion in 2 days but that I needed to be informed if he had made other plans. That way, I could adjust my schedule as necessary.
I was hoping to speak with him and understand his actual intentions
This heifer never responded. I ran into him on the day of the proposed meeting and asked why my message went unanswered. His response: “I was very busy.” I lost it. It was obvious that he didn’t care, even though I had always made my feelings known. All I could do was say; “Even if you were busy, all you had to do was let me know. If someone matters to you, you’ll make time for them.” I must be honest, my tone was in no way subtle. I straightened my back, flipped my hair and walked away. The one thing I was not about to do was jeopardize my self-worth. I am a goddamn princess and refuse to be treated as anything less by having some immature sorry-ass excuse of a man disrespect me time after time.
Red Flag #3: If he has to make excuses as to why he can’t see or be with you. Please save yourself the trouble and move on. Any man who wants you will find a reason, any reason, even a stupid one to see you. It will hurt to move on especially if you have invested time. Don’t wait till it’s pathetic. Find the courage to move on. Have a support group of your female friends and sometimes it helps to seek a man’s perspective of things.
In conclusion, as a female or male, you have standards (as long as it’s not fictional) you want in a partner. Don’t go for anything less. That way, you weed out the dusty ones before they even get too close. Enjoy your life, be very cautious, remain the diva you are and don’t let anyone #wasteyourtime.